I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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