hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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