The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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