She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
