Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
