well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
