Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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