Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
