Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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