Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
