I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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