We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
