i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
