I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
