also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
