I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
