I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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