He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
