So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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