Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
