the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
