Your tits are I can't wait for
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
