I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize