I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
