i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
