Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
