Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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