just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Are my feet made of real feet?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
