we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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