Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
