perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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