he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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