I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
