hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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