Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Randomize
