you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm jealous of your bromance
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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