It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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