I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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