and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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