Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Rumble strips road head = magical
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
