hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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