You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
