i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
