The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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