if i can run in heels then i can drive
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
