he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
