Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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