I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
