Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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