shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
