what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
