I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
