I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
